A couple of nights ago I was clearing up my computer when I found an old blog that I thought I’d deleted. I’d written about falling down Mangere Mountain and how I was worried that I might have damaged my ankle. Then I mentioned a little biopsy I had that day.
It seems so naive now because the surgery I had a few months after that biopsy was life changing and not for the best. (It was life saving though because here I am six plus years later.) At the same time it shows how ridiculously stoical i am. I had a meltdown a couple of weeks later.
“What really made me tingle with fear was my oral cancer check-up this morning. I assumed that everything would be all right because I’ve had no scares for a couple of years now. This morning the doctor pronounced the inside of my left cheek (where I often get ulcers) to be “a bit manky” and warranting a biopsy. He did say he could hold off doing the biopsy because of Xmas etc but in the end decided to do it then and there.
At his tone and hearing the words “manky” and biopsy” my head and heart were assaulted by a tingly adrenalin reaction. Very distinct, very palpable. Fortunately that was followed by a warmer feeling, a sort of strength reaction I’ve felt before. Maybe a defense mechanism … a feeling that I have to cope, I will cope and there’s no use worrying until the results come out.
He more or less said it could be a new primary. Not a spread etc. I know this happens with oral cancer. He said it might be precancerous. That is likewise possible with this type of carcinoma – you tend to get a lot of dysplasia. If it is cancer it has been caught early.
If I have a hunch it is that there IS something there but that it is not all that serious. Hmmm. When I get this calm feeling there usually IS a problem!!! Doctor said surgery would involve removal and a graft; no need to go right through the cheek. That’s my real fear. I can sort of get by with my present scars and reconstructed tongue but I don’t want a patched up face or any more of a speech impediment.
So I’ve got a week before I know the results. I’m going to really make it count. There’s nothing like a cancer scare to remind us of the value of life and health.