I’m a recurrent HNC patient and most not all of my tumours have been small primary tumours. To cope with the neverending anxiety I like to write things down. I don’t know anyone else in my situation so don’t be afraid!

Okay, so my recent Face/Head CT Scan was not too bad – I was dreading that because the cheery talkative technician was abrupt when I left. I’m nothing if not paranoid.

Saw my surgeon for a check up and he showed me the scan – there’s good bone on/in the right maxilla and the biggest problem looked to me like a long hooked calcified root on my troubled right tooth. Hard to access for dentists or surgeons because of my trismus. No cancer to be seen but the maxfax scan ordered for my teeth does not show much.

Stepping back a bit, I need my remaining teeth out. They seem strong and painless to me but apparently they are not good in themselves and are not good for my health. Holes I can’t see or feel.

They’ve offered me four implants to anchor another prosthesis but the specialist dentistry department is so busy I don’t get clear comms and the whole thing is shrouded in mystery.

Every appointment I have is so intense and takes so long that I can’t squeeze any more questions out of them. The scheduler rang me in a rush to tell me to come in on 5 December but I couldn’t capture whether it was for Middlemore or Greenlane – I rang, texted and emailed and finally got a one word answer: Middlemore. That probably means the max fax guys.

I’ve met this person and she’s lovely but is under huge pressure. I’ve heard that schedulers were in tears during Covid and some of the best ones have left. (This person is one of the best.)

Meanwhile, seeing my much loved surgeon on Wednesday, I went in with a glad heart because I HAD got the appointment at Middlemore for dental things so the scan couldn’t have been that bad.

But the surgeon was apologetic – there was a white patch that he thought was probably thrush but he had to biopsy. Just by the commissure or corner of my mouth, not far from the little lesion I had removed in March. I’d often noticed a white patch there and assumed it was some skin from my previous skin graft which didn’t take properly.

Was it removable, I asked … he said he would remove it in the theatre under local like the last one with a skin graft to help me retain my mouth opening but he probably wouldn’t bother with an ng tube – in March I had it in for 13 long days. He would also book me in for a routine proper scan. It’s just routine, he said. I’m not worried.

Anyway, he took two tiny punch biopsies, innocent looking little bits of pink tissue floating in a small container with my name stuck on it and said he regretted that the path lab was so busy that I wouldn’t get the results for two weeks. Australia had poached one of his favourite pathologists.

He said the rest of my mouth and throat looked fine – quite amazing when the big tumour in my throat at the end of 2021 was meant to leave lots of “weeds” but has not returned.

We’re coming up for Christmas, my beloved youngest son is visting for a month from 12 December: I really didn’t want him to walk into me having another little health incident.

If it’s like last time though and without an ng tube it won’t be too bad. If it’s cancer and is done before Christmas I would be a lucky cancer patient to have it done by such a good surgeon who is due to retire early next year.

And the teeth! I asked some time ago if they would continue with my oral plan (wish I could see it written down) if I had more little cancers. Yes, they said. Hmmm.

I’ll be a lucky gal if I get the teeth out, get implants, get a temporary upper plate while they bed in and get a screwed down prosthesis in 4 to 6 months. They have given so much free treatment to someone who is old and prone to new primaries. My bottom implant anchored prosthesis has been comfortable while the partial metal denture I wear on top is dreadful.

But I might be worrying about nothing! Time will tell as it always does.